Showing posts with label big stinky award. Show all posts
Showing posts with label big stinky award. Show all posts

Friday, June 12, 2009

Book Burning: Not Just For Nazis Anymore


Green Eggs and Ham. Where the Wild Things Are. Corduroy. Charlotte’s Web. The Indian in the Cupboard. Little House on the Prairie. Goodnight Moon…

Which of these books should be banned from your local library?

The answer: All of them, according to Congress. The Consumer Product Safety Information Act (CPSIA), passed in August 2008 and enacted in February 2009, was intended to keep children from being harmed by products that contain lead.

That’s a noble quest, and an important one. The problem is, like so many well-intentioned regulations, the “safety net” was cast too wide. The results have been catastrophic for many small business owners, and may soon even be affecting your favorite public library.

The CPSIA requires that all products intended for children under the age of 12 are tested and certified as meeting the lead limits as set forth by law. “So what?” you might say. “That’s a good idea,” you might muse. I know I did.

The problem, as it applies to my library and my non-profit Friends of the Library group, is that some books published before 1985 were printed with inks containing lead. Some. Not many, but some books intended for children may contain lead in the ink.

It is important to note that the ink in books does not flake off, like paint chips. A child would have to actually eat the book in order to ingest any lead that might possibly be contained on the page. Furthermore, the amount of lead that a child might consume from the digestion of a book is so small that he or she would have to eat dozens of books in short order to ingest enough lead to be harmful. To quote citizen activist Sarah Natividad, “Even if you could find books with lead in them, a child would have to eat so many of them that the digestive consequences would kick in first.”

There’s a lesson here: If your allow your children to read books that were printed before 1985, you should absolutely discourage them from a diet comprised solely of books.

Too bad, because they are so good sautĂ©ed in butter. I suppose I’ll have to go grocery shopping now.

As the law is written, it prohibits the distribution of items intended for children that do not comply with the lead limits. How do we find out which books contain lead? We get them tested through an expensive process which, as it happens, destroys the book, or we get it tested through a different expensive process. Doesn’t really matter, because both are cost-prohibitive for most libraries. By the way, “distribution” does not have to be for profit, so it applies to our libraries.

At this point of compliance, your local library may have destroyed its inventory of pre-1985 children’s books through lead testing, but let’s just pretend that your library is warehousing the untested books. Now, they can legally a) restrict checkout of children’s books to patrons 13 years or older (“May I see your state ID card, please?”), b) stockpile the books for perhaps decades, until they become rare and valuable enough to be considered “collectors items” that are not likely to be used by children, or c) get rid of them.

Can’t sell them… that, too, falls under “distribution.” Let’s not put them in landfills… they could be loaded with lead, remember? Guess we’ll have to burn them!

The government doesn’t leave many options.

I am shocked that virtually no one in my world has even heard of the CPSIA, let alone its far-reaching consequences. The potential for devastation doesn’t just apply to libraries, either. Your favorite thrift store, crafter, school, youth club and more are targets. Even you run the risk of prosecution if you hold a yard sale and “distribute” items for children that contain lead. Many small businesses have already closed, unable to withstand the economic consequences.

A great citizen-organized website to visit for more information is http://whatisthecpsia.com. Start there. Get outraged. Write many, many letters to your lawmakers.

I’m not sure how so many members of Congress managed to vote in favor of the CPSIA without considering its catastrophic effects…

Perhaps they ate too many lead-laced books as children.


Congratulations, Congress! You've been awarded The Gonzo Mama's "Big Stinky Award!" Celebrate by giving yourselves a big raise, why don't you?


The above column was published in the Lake Chelan Mirror and on LakeChelanMirror.com. If you'd like to share your thoughts with the editor, you may do so here.


Thursday, May 14, 2009

You've Got (Hate) Mail


As I mentioned on Bad Gratitude Monday, The Gonzo Mama received her very first hate mail, cementing her place in the world of real columnists.

For those not lucky enough to live in the distribution area of the Lake Chelan Mirror, I'm posting the letter, in all its glory. The letter came from Judy Brezina of Carlton, Washington, and was written in response to my piece, "Forget Gitmo... I've Been Bikini Shopping."

Wright is wrong

Dear Editor,

I just received my Mirror in the mail today. I came to the letters page fully expecting there to be at least several letters referring to Ms. Wright’s incredibly ignorant, insensitive article last week. I didn’t write because I felt the bases were covered. It seems the bases are open so I’ll step up to the plate.

I’m not sure who to blame on this one, Ms. Wright or the editor. That was the most imbecilic article I have ever read, bar none. How can any sane person compare being held prisoner against every right we hold dear and tortured on a daily basis to trying on swimsuits? I want to ask very clearly, what were you thinking? Or were either of the above mentioned people even thinking at all? The article that Ms. Wright tried to be ever so clever writing actually made me sick to my stomach. What on God’s green earth ever lead you to believe you were a writer? Why did the editor let it pass? The piece is unacceptable. Period.

I looked up the word Gonzo: 1. idiosyncratically subjective but engagé; 2. bizarre; 3. freewheeling or unconventional especially to the point of outrageousness.

So, let me understand this. Gonzo Mama? Well, at least the bizarre part fits. Oh, and since I’m here and fired up, there are many people, myself included, that believe we should be extremely careful about overpopulation. Ms. Wright seems to be very proud of her ability to procreate. Personally, I don’t think it’s such a hot commodity. That’s why God gave us the brains to control ourselves.


Judy Brezina
Carlton



What do you think? Do you agree that I am a talentless imbecile? Should my editor be fired for printing my piece? Should I be sterilized? (Oops. Too late. She obviously doesn't read my column, or she'd know I only gave birth to one of my seven kids and can't have any more.)

You may respond to Ms. Brezina's letter online here or send an email to the clueless editor who posts my drivel, Les Bowen, at editor@lakechelanmirror.com.

Friday, May 1, 2009

It Ain't Easy Being Green, and The Big Stinky Award Goes to...

We've been taking the bus a lot lately, in an effort to reinforce our "greenitude."


Can I just say that public transit is not for those without a sense of humor? I mean, getting on the bus and getting to where I want to go is no problem, even though the LINK runs only every two to four hours, depending on where you catch it.

That sense of humor comes in handy when you decide to bus it with your husband and two toddlers.

Mr. Wright: The bus comes at 10:11, right?
Me: Yes, but I think it's going in the wrong direction.

Mr. Wright: No, no... it's the one we want. Help me hurry up and get the babies ready!
Me: I think it's the wrong bus... They're ready.

Five minutes later, at the bus stop...

Me: It's the wrong bus. The one we want comes at 11:05.
Curlytop (age 3): What's this? Dirt? I love dirt! Tastes like tofu!
Snugglebug (age 2): Forget the bus! I'll just run up to the highway and hitch a ride...
Mr. Wright: *silence*

An hour later, we boarded the (correct) bus with two cranky babies, and were hated by everyone on board. The trip home was actually worse, even though we figured out the bus schedule and actually caught the right bus on the first try.

Curlytop: Public transit SUCKS!
Snugglebug: No, as a matter of fact, I will NOT sit down, Mommy... Even your weak attempts at bribery with that lame can of generic soda pop will not sway me to park my butt on the seat! Mutiny!!!
Me: *glare at Mr. Wright as he checks his email on his Palm*
Mr. Wright: What? What?

Oh, and a note to the ugly woman in the muumuu:

Your eye-rolling and exasperated sighs did not help my sense of humor at all. I almost whipped out the "my babies have developmental issues, including sensory integration dysfunction, and the smell of your Designer Imposters body spray is throwing them into full-on meltdown," but I hate to use my kids' challenges as an "excuse." They are good kids with amazing abilities, and I really don't feel the need to justify their issues to you. Your obesity does not make you ugly, but your attitude does. You get the big stinky award: