Shop Gonzo for the Holidays!

Do you have a reader on your list?

Everything I Need to Know About Motherhood I Learned from Animal House is riotously funny, and at just $10.00, it's perfect for that office gift exchange. Or, snag a few copies and dole them out to your favorite mommies and daddies.

Front cover (click to enlarge)

Back cover (click to enlarge)

If you're in Chelan, pick up a signed copy at Riverwalk Books.

In Leavenworth, stop by A Book for All Seasons.

Somewhere else? Order online!

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Every Gonzo Mama fan needs some swag. That's why the super-cool folks over at Zazzle are stocking The Gonzo Mama's gear this season.

Something for your beer lover? It's here.

For your little bow-wow? Check these out.

Key chains and flair? Yup.

How about SHOES? Yeah, baby! (Anyone shopping for me can just give me Zazzle gift certificates, because I want a pair of each of those shoes - even the "boy" shoes!)

We have tote bags, including organic-fiber.

Shirts? Hats? Neckties? Get 'em here.

Mousepads!

Covers for your iPhone and iPad? Yes, yes, yes!

Remember... by shopping Gonzo, you're supporting a worthy cause - and by "worthy cause," of course, I mean keeping The Gonzo Mama's Starbucks and Southern Comfort budget in the black.

Perhaps We've Been Married Too Long

A few days ago, I found myself with some extra time. Instead of contemplating the rose garden I never intend to plant, outlining my next novel, or polishing my shoes, I decided to take a shower.

That's right - it was before bedtime for the toddlers, and I managed to steal away into the shower. I even shaved my legs and washed, rinsed, and repeated. When I emerged, smooth-skinned and sweet-smelling, I realized I still had time to spare.

So I plucked my eyebrows. Well, maybe eyebrows - plural - is stretching the truth a bit, since the area above my eyes was beginning to resemble a closely-planted crop of mohair.

After that, what the heck? A little makeup couldn't hurt things, right? And my wet hair could be sculpted into something resembling a "style," if I wiped the dust off my Aussie Sprunch spray and applied it.

Glancing in the mirror, I almost didn't recognize the woman staring back at me, with her lined eyes and mascara, blushed cheeks and glossy color swept across her lips. She was kind of hot - certainly not the same haggard mommy who hides in my reflection in store windows as I slouch around town in yoga pants and sweatshirts with flour smudged across her face and her hair tucked under a denim baseball cap.

No, this woman looked like she had a life! A life, maybe, that wasn't spent in front of a strangely-lit computer screen or, alternately, in the kitchen.

I felt so confident, I pulled on my skinny jeans and a soft, fitted top. I slid on some fashionable flats and spritzed both of my wrists with perfume. I couldn't wait for Mr. Wright to get home! The feeling of accomplishment at taking a shower, plucking my eyebrows, applying makeup and putting on clothing that didn't involve an elastic waistband or a drawstring - all in the same day! - made me mad with confidence and femininity.

Wouldn't he be surprised?

Gosh... I hoped he noticed.

What if he didn't even notice? What if he didn't think there was anything noteworthy of me accomplishing what most women who have "real" jobs do every single morning, and before 8:30 a.m., at that?

A few hours later, I glanced at the clock. It was nearly time for Mr. Wright to arrive home. I checked my lipstick, freshened my fragrance, and met him at the door. I needn't have worried that he wouldn't notice... he did.

Taking in the vision that stood before him, he asked, "You've taken an afternoon lover, haven't you?"


Photo by Dean's Photography. Thank you, Dean... Our photos were perfect!

VGNO (and SHOES!)

After recent unsavory events, I am pleased as punch (pun intended) to be playing at the Virtual Girls' Night Out this weekend. It's just too dangerous to party in public these days.

I do have a meeting tonight, so I'll be bloghopping and partying through the weekend. I hope you enjoy hopping mine.

The Fourth of July always makes me feel like my small hometown is the best place on the planet. I think this holiday was made for small towns. The feeling of community and friendship is amazingly cool, and provides a recharge to drained mommy batteries. On Sunday, Chelan will be having a cool "Fifth of July" event, too, with more fireworks and activities. I'll be on the old bridge, holding down a table at the Historic Downtown Chelan Association's event. Here's the bridge:
That photo, by the way, was taken by my friend and talented photographer, Richard Uhlhorn. He took the floating head photo that appears at the top of my newspaper column. I adore Rich, and I hope he doesn't sue me for stealing his photo. Thievery really is the best form of flattery, don't you think?

In honor of my town and small towns across America, let's groove with John Mellencamp, singing "Small Town" live (be sure to yell "SMALL TOWN" when he pauses for audience participation!):




Oh! Let me offer you a drink! This recipe is my very own creation, from back in my bar managing days:

The Gonzo Mama's Apple Martini

You will need:

1 oz. Stoli Vanil vodka
1 oz. De Kuyper Buttershots
1 oz. De Kuyper Apple Pucker

ice

a Granny Smith apple (left over from dutifully baking your family's apple pie for the Fourth, of course!)

a martini shaker

a large martini glass

a soft place to land after six of these

Put all of your liquor into the martini shaker. Fill the shaker 2/3 full with ice. Put the lid on and shake until your hand is freezing and a thin layer of ice forms on the outside of the shaker. Strain into the martini glass. Garnish with a thin slice of fresh Granny Smith apple.


Mr. Wright bought me the most fabulous shoes for our anniversary! Since I am neither a photographer nor motivated to stray far from the bed I am lounging on as I type, you get to see my impromptu photo shoot from the bed.

Aren't they adorable? Isn't Mr. Wright the best husband ever for finding them? Aren't shoes a totally hot anniversary gift?

What did I get him? Well, um... I got him beat up when I tried to make the world a better place. If you see Mr. Wright out tonight, buy him a drink. He needs it.

If you're new to VGNO, head on over to Ann's blog for the 4-1-1 and to sign the Linky so we can party together. Happy Fourth, and happy VGNO!

Appletini photo by capn madd matt