Thursday, January 13, 2011

I Really Need Your Help. It Might Even Be an Emergency. WIN a Copy of My Book, Too!

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I went to my first roller derby meeting last night. It was very eye-opening, and almost scary enough to make me say, "Sorry... I must've walked into the wrong meeting," and walk out. But not quite.

2011 is my Year of YES. (More on this in next week's column.) It means I'm saying yes to things that ultimately terrify me, but I know I can conquer.

One of those things is public speaking. I hate public speaking. In fact, in my high school speech class, I had to give a demonstration speech, and my hands were shaking so uncontrollably, I dropped all my props and failed the speech. My Speech grade left an ugly blemish on an otherwise stellar academic record. Well, that, and Wood Shop. Whatever.

Anyway, I walked into Mr. Editor's office at my home paper, the Lake Chelan Mirror, whining because someone was mean to me on Facebook. It's unremarkable that some people don't like me (and by "some people," I mean that one woman who really hates me), because I do tend to be a bit opinionated and often come across as pushy in written discussion. However, this particular (different than "that one woman who really hates me") woman attacked me over something I didn't even say, and nothing upsets me more than someone being upset over something they've only imagined about me.

I mean, good gosh - I beat myself up for my own imagined shortcomings enough, without other people inventing new ones to be ticked off at!

Anyway, Mr. Editor said exactly what I thought he'd say. He's always quoting a couple particular passages from the Epistle to the Romans (11:29 and 16:17), and paraphrasing it to "Don't let the haters get you down, Gonzo."

Then he said, "We're doing a podcast." Podcast? Really? The Gonzo Mama does NOT do podcasts. Then I remembered it's the Year of YES, and sucked it up and did it.

Here it is.

It didn't totally suck, so I guess I can do another one. As you can hear, I'm taking on some pretty scary things this year, like doing the Winterfest Splash, and joining roller derby.

Which brings me to my big problem.

I had the perfect roller derby name picked out ("Tawdry Hipburn"), but - I learned at the informational meeting - derby names are exclusive, and no two girls can have the same name. Or, it appears, even terribly similar names. There's already a Tawdry Hepburn and an Audrey Hipburn registered, so I'm out of luck.

I need you guys to give me a roller derby name!!!!!

I'm thinking something with "Gonzo" in it, or something that highlights my glorious veganism, like Gonzo Gladiator or Tofu Terrifier or something, but I'm totally open to suggestions. My goal is to take The Gonzo Mama, if I'm allowed, but I need a back-up name!

I'll take your comments here and on Facebook for the next few days, then put up a poll, and everyone can vote on it.

Aren't you excited? I'm taking you on this derby journey with me, in the hope you'll keep me accountable when I'm nursing a broken arm and want to quit.

Also? I need a busload of money for skates, equipment, insurance, dues and fishnet tights, which means I'll either have to take a part-time job or point excitedly to the donation button up at the top of my blog.

See the donation button? *points excitedly*

Don't forget to leave your suggestion for my derby name in the comments here or on Facebook! I'll have to run suggestions through the list of registered names, so if you don't see your suggestion in the final poll, it's because it was already registered or too similar to a registered name.

I'll send an autographed copy of my book, Everything I Need to Know About Motherhood I Learned from Animal House, to the suggester of the winning suggestion, and there's no limit on the number of names you can suggest, you suggesters, you... So get to it!

To clarify: The readers' favorite will win a book. MY favorite will win my heart! Just wanted to get that out there before everyone voted for "Fat Bottom Ghoul" and then wondered why I didn't adopt it as my own.

"Like" The Gonzo Mama on Facebook, and don't forget to see what's cooking with Sexy Vegan Mama today!

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