Saturday, January 23, 2010

Shave and a Haircut...

... two bits TOO BAD.

There I am, in all my makeup-free, split-end glory. I'm very aware of the fact that I need to get it cut before we go to Japan next month, but I'm sort of stalling. For no good reason, in fact.

It's not that I don't want my hair cut. It's not that Mr. Wright wouldn't watch the babes while I got it cut. It's certainly not that it doesn't need to be cut, for crying out loud.

It's just... Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that no one does it just right. I have yet to find my stylist soulmate, and I always walk out of the salon, cringing. 

Also? I don't know how I want it cut. That's a dangerous mental territory to be stranded in when you walk through the salon door, because someone will inevitably talk you into a cut that will cause you to walk out of the salon, cringing.

Plus? I want to do something different. Something a bit reckless and carefree. Something that says, I'm an individual, just like the 500 other trendy women in my county who have this cut! Something that doesn't require hot rollers, a curling iron, a blow dryer, hairspray, gel, mousse, pomade or spritz. Preferably something shower-optional, since sometimes I don't get a shower until afternoon nap time. You know, something I can sleep in and wake up looking glorious and ready to greet the Jehovah's Witnesses at the door! Something I can just fluff with my fingers and know I look HAWT. Hassle-free. Gorgeous and sophisticated.

Or maybe long, blonde waves... Can we make that out of the black, brittle, flat, limp, shoulder-length mop on my head? Could I please have Scarlett Johansson's hair transplanted onto my head?

What do you suggest, readers?

Photo from


  1. The type of haircut you described does NOT exist. I have searched for it. I don't think I've found my hair stylist soulmate either but I pretty much just gave up. To avoid being traumatized at the salon I just avoid it!

  2. I had an emotional hair meltdown a few weeks ago. Why must hair suffer emotional recklessness? Dunno. Oh well, I did it; cutting lock by lock until it became six inches shorter. Totally worth it. My hair now looks like the lesbian love child of Betty Boop and Betty Rubble.
    And remember, it's not the hair that makes one haute, it's the 'tude. Rock it like your hair is paying admission just to be on your head.

  3. I can totally relate to your plight. I'm a "head hopper" going from stylist to stylist, in search of the perfect cut. Keep us posted!

  4. Ha - if you find a someone who can transplant her hair to your head, send them my way to transplant her rockin' boobs onto my body.


  5. Try this free virtual hair makeover thingamagy

    I did it for my Mom and we had a thigh slappin' good time. You can put Rhianna's hair on your head, or Scarlett's and see how it looks. Follow the directions very carefully and it works pretty good. Even if you can't find that perfect hair-cut, you will laugh you ass off. And you know, I have been ever so relieved since I turned 40 and got a mohawk. Can't recommend it enough.

  6. @RiotMama - I tried that "my hair should be paying admission to be on my head" 'tude. My hair asked for a refund.

    @Lynn - But your hair always look great! Clearly, you've lucked out with your head hopping...

    @Pundelina - I'll be sending her mammaries your way, once the transplant is complete.

    @BlogInSong - I love your mohawk. When my son was in kindergarten, I had a relative crew cut which I colored in Technicolor every couple of weeks. Pink, green, teal, purple, candy red... you name it. I was the least popular mom with the teachers and the most popular with the kids. For some reason, I can't get away with the same moxie at this stage of my life... Not a lot of my readers know this, but my husband and I do political consulting. "Seriously, Mr. Candidate, don't you want Rainbow Brite to design your press kit?" Mmmm... not so much. *sigh*

  7. I am cracking up now!!!! Anyway, If I were running for office I would hire you Rainbow!


No anonymous comments, please... Be loud 'n' proud, and leave your name!