Recession Got You Down? The Gonzo Mama's Do-It-Your-Damn-Self Guide to Couture

My friends over at LipstickDaily.com are much more in tune with the season’s hot, must-have fashion elements, for some reason. Maybe because, unlike me, Kate and Elaine actually have jobs which call for a style of dress that does not include pajama pants, kids’ t-shirts and ball caps.

Maybe because, unlike me, Kate and Elaine have jobs, period.

Kate’s post, “The ‘It’ Shoe for Summer 2009,” featured, in all its glory, a gorgeous Prada sandal with a cork platform and a darling bow. I suggested that, given the recession, I might just hot-glue some wine corks to the bottom of last summer’s flip-flops (incidentally, the recession has not affected the influx of new wine corks into my home).

In the spirit of adding some glam while tightening the belt – so to speak – I am attempting the following alternatives to selling off one of my seven darlings (who all dress better than I do, by the way) to finance my image update:

1. Instead of this Fendi keychain, I will be commandeering my cat’s identification tag, adding a dab of superglue, and affixing an artfully folded gum wrapper. Photo taken from thisnext.com.


2. Instead of this Marc by Marc Jacobs belt, my luggage strap will be doing double duty. Photo from Teen Vogue



3. Instead of this 3.1 Phillip Lim dress, I will be stapling my café curtains around my body... somewhat artfully. Photo taken from theinsider.com

4. Instead of this trendy, fur-trimmed coat by Versace, I will be bedecking my bathrobe with remnants of shag carpet, left over from the last time my husband’s office was redecorated. Yeah, it’s been that long. Photo taken from kaboodle.com



It’s tough staying at the height of fashion on a budget. The nation is, after all, in the throes of economic crisis; and my family is no exception. Think about it… my husband is married to a woman who relies on print media to pay the bills.

Are you reading this on the Internet?!

Shame on you, taking food out of the mouths of seven children, and depriving their mama of her Prada platforms! Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.