Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Jesus Drank Wine; I Prefer Southern Comfort

Believe it or not, I was recently blackballed by a group of Christian mommies; denied the pleasure of appearing for a reading and book signing for their little group.

I’m feeling very 2 Live Crew about it all. You know, “Banned in the USA?” Shout it with me, won’t you?

What is this? Is this not America?
This is not China! This is not Russia!
This is not the place where
They brought down the wall…
This is America!

Sorry. I was channeling Luther Campbell for a second. Seriously, as a writer with a heart for Jesus and a calling to ministry (such as it is), I was stunned, sad and feeling the pain of rejection. “Why don’t they want me?” Then, I got angry. “Who do they think they are, banning me?!”

I’m far from perfect, readers. I smoke. And drink. I sometimes yell at my kids, use too-colorful words, gossip, nag my husband, say mean things, am quick to anger, and I think I’ve mentioned I lived with Mr. Wright for four years before we married.

I’m a sinner.

But, I’m not alone. No one—since Eve bit into that cursed apple and sweet-talked Adam into joining her—has walked the earth, sin-free. No one, that is, except Jesus Christ, and even He drank wine. True, a great scholarly war continues as to whether the wine was fermented or unfermented fruit of the vine, and even the fermented wine of Jesus’s time probably had a much lower alcohol content than our wines today, but let’s just say He drank “wine” wine. Humor me.

I prefer Southern Comfort, which terrifies those Christian mommies. Those ladies probably never drink. Or smoke. Or yell at their kids or even send them to daycare. Seriously, though, if all my kids were home all day, every day, I’d feel a little justified in medicating a bit, in some way. “Mother’s little helper” of the 1950s wasn’t just a fad, you know.

Jesus would probably love to hang with the perfect mommies. They could all talk about how Christ-like they are, and Jesus would have a good laugh, actually being Christ, and all.

Or would He? Jesus wasn’t terribly impressed with the self-righteousness of the Pharisees. He saw right into their hearts, and pointed out the wickedness inside them (Luke 11:39-41). Naturally, they were sinners, because they were mortal. Just like me and the Christian mommies. Those mommies have sins. They just don’t write about them in the newspaper.

Here’s the thing—I live my life in the light. I’m among the first to point out my shortcomings; to say “I’m a screw-up, and God loves me, anyway."

God loved David, and gave him the swanky title of King David, one of the greatest rulers of biblical times. You’d think, with all that God-given glory and fame, David would keep the straight and narrow, right? Wrong. David committed adultery with Bathsheba, knocked her up, tried to hook her up with her husband to conceal the kid’s paternity, and when that failed, lined up the execution of the clueless husband. God still loved him.

I haven’t killed anyone, yet.

Maybe I’m brash. Perhaps I’m badly behaved. There’s a slight chance I border on inappropriate. Still, I’m real; I’m approachable. I live my truth—as ugly as it may be—in yoga pants, sneakers and t-shirts. Most people connect with my writing, my humor, my “realness” and my faults before they even know I’m a Christian. When they find out, they’re intrigued, and I get to witness to them. I reach more people in my imperfection than I ever would by shining myself up and hiding my faults and weaknesses.

Let’s not forget who Jesus hung out with: tax collectors, lepers, prostitutes…

Maybe it’s best I didn’t get to meet the Christian mommies. I mean, I don’t own a calf-length skirt, Birkenstocks, or a pair of beige pumps, and I’d be hard-pressed not to sign each book, “Jesus forgives you for your sins so dark you have to keep them hidden.”

Also? I’ll bet there’s not one tax collector, leper, or prostitute among them!

"Like" The Gonzo Mama on Facebook, and don't forget to see what's cooking with Sexy Vegan Mama today!

1 comment:

  1. Luther said sin boldly, mama! Love you much.

    Your rag-tag reporter friend in Chelan. :-)


No anonymous comments, please... Be loud 'n' proud, and leave your name!