Thursday, July 2, 2009

...And You Know Who You Are

I apologize in advance for my use of the f-bomb (the one used in homophobic language).

Dear readers, for whom I have always tried to keep things at least PG-13, I am talking to you. Circumstances leave me no choice. If you anticipate being offended, please stop reading.

Are you still here? Okay. You've proceeded at your own risk. This is an open letter to three people who have seriously gotten under my skin:

Dear YOU (#1):

I am sickened by the fact that I have to edit myself and my writing because I know you are reading. You read that right: I know you are reading. I suppose I should be flattered. Obviously, I am writing something of interest to you. I'm sure you'll buy my book when it comes out. Never mind. I'll send you an autographed copy. I have your address. Maybe I'll drop it by.

Know how I know you're reading? I know because I run three different analytic programs on my blog. I see your IP address, and I get a notification every time you click through. I see exactly what page you come in on, what pages you view before you leave, and what page you exit on. In fact, I know your favorite tag searches ("mom wars" and "princess"), so I won't be using either tag on this post. Ha!

In fact, due to your lengthy visits on June 13, 16 and 19, my statistics have gone up to an average of visitors spending over four minutes per visit to my site. Thanks for that.

Too bad you don't have the bullocks to leave a comment or, better yet, write a guest post, as I invited you to.

Dear YOU (#2):

Your "anonymous" comments were not so anonymous; not even when they arrived. The childlike tenor of your voice was enough to tell me who you are, but your IP address gave it away. I think you are, at heart, an okay person. Unfortunately, you have no idea what you are talking about. Even Jim Jones's followers drank the Kool-Aid. They didn't know any better. Jimmy had them fooled into thinking he was the Messiah. For those who had last-minute doubts, it was too late. The believers stood over them, armed and under the direction of their "Messiah."

I feel sorry for you. You really don't know any better, do you?

Dear YOU (#3):

Homophobia is seriously wrong. Don't say the word "faggot." It makes you look like the ignorant punk that you are. Stop leering at married women who are way too hot for you, and stop thinking that every guy with class is gay. Furthermore, I want to say this:

You are a total loser, and I pray you go to Heaven... TONIGHT. You and your buddies lashed out at something beautiful and important to me because YOU are a coward.

Why am I bothering to send a shout out to you? Because I think there's a good chance you or one of the other punks you associate with will read this, considering that your obnoxious friend stole a copy of my zine, which features multiple mentions of this site.

* * *

In short, if you are a douchebag, please stop reading my blog.

You know who you are.

Not the douchebags I'm talking to? Please, continue to read and enjoy my (mostly) un-rant-ilicious ramblings.

The Gonzo Mama


  1. Hi Gonzo,
    I love the tag labels that you listed for this're da best.

  2. Tell it like it is woman! If you are going to write about life, it should not be censored, it should be real and if there are folks out there that can't handle it, then they should take the initiative and not read your writing. It's because some thrive on creating drama and are addicted to getting worked up that they do seek out confrontation. Keep the faith, GM. And stay true!

  3. I am woman, hear me roar. I see the protective mama coming out in you. It’s always a shame when the weak feel the need to attack but reassuring that the strong will prevail. You go girl!!!!


No anonymous comments, please... Be loud 'n' proud, and leave your name!