Tuesday, July 15, 2008

How Many Steps to a Denise Austin Butt?

Today alone, I made the following trips up and down the steps in my house, all before 9:00 a.m.:

  • Up the stairs with the babies to feed them breakfast, back down to get them dressed.
  • Up to get their sippy cups filled with milk, back down to put them in the diaper bag.
  • Up to put the sippy cups in the fridge, since my husband already has cups in the diaper bag, back down to start the laundry.
  • Up the stairs to sweep the kids’ rooms for dirty laundry – I mean, dirty clothes – back down to the laundry room.
  • Up the steps to go pee, since the kids took the last roll of toilet paper to their bathroom upstairs, back down for a shower.
  • Up after my shower to put on makeup because the skylight in the kids’ bathroom provides exactly one hundred times more light than my dungeon of a bathroom downstairs with environmentally-conscious twisty bulbs does, back down to do hair.
  • Up to put on a pot of coffee while I blow-dry my hair downstairs.
  • Up to find the toothpaste, which Curlytop hijacked and gleefully painted herself with this morning, back down to brush my teeth.
  • Up to find my sunglasses, which I removed and left on the kitchen counter last night while I made dinner, back down because, at this point, why not?
  • Up to get a cup of coffee, which I don’t get because I become distracted looking for my keys, back down to find my keys under the toy box.
  • Up to get a cup of coffee, which I don’t get because I become distracted looking for my sunglasses again, which I sat down on the counter while looking for my keys. Back down to try to get out the door, which I can’t do, of course, because I haven’t had any coffee!
  • Up to get a cup of coffee, which I don’t get because I spot the novel I’ve been searching for over the past week peeking out from under the sofa – huzzah! – back down to put it in my backpack.
  • Up to get a cup of coffee, which I do, then dump down the drain because it’s gross after sitting on the burner all morning.

All of this running is no small feat, folks… I’ve got two set of stairs to tackle each way. I’m like the Army – I get more done before noon than most people do all day.

You’d think, with all of the up-the-stairs, down-the-stairs, I’d have a butt to rival Denise Austin’s.

No such luck.


Monday, July 14, 2008

Past Events and Appearances


No Boundaries Radio Show
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
4PM-5PM Pacific Standard Time

William Maltese co-hosts wth Joanne "JoJo" Crockett on No Boundaries Radio Show on Wednesday (6Feb13), 4PM PST / 7 PM EST, with guest Christina-Marie Wright, mother of seven, funny-lady author of EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MOTHERHOOD I LEARNED FROM ANIMAL HOUSE, vegan columnist with whom Maltese has just written GET-REAL VEGAN DESSERTS, and -- tah-dah -- hostess of sexual-accouterments parties to help improve your love-life. Sounds like one stimulating hour of entertainment, and we all hope you'll all tune in: http://www.z13radio.com/ or http://www.youradionetwork.com/

 
Talented Local Ladies Trunk Show at Bellaphia
Friday, August 5, 2011
5:00 - 8:00 PM

Bellaphia Boutique
246 Highway 150
Suite 6
Chelan, WA 98816
(509) 888-7262


Join us for a Trunk Show of Talented Local Ladies!


~Local Jewelry Designers~

Vixen Cowgirl Designs 
Martini Designs

CK Silver  
ClayArt by SMP

~Local Authors~

Christina-Marie Wright

Morgan Fraser 
~Local Hair Accessory Designers~

Mary's Hair Junk 
~As always........Hot New Arrivals~

An opportunity to meet these Extremely Talented Local Ladies and to celebrate all that they have created!!




Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Signing 11:30AM - 1:30PM
Reading 2:00 - 2:30PM

The Bookery
1 Basin Street NW
Ephrata, WA 98823
509-754-5321

Enjoy lunch at your local bookstore/cafe and meet Christina-Marie Wright, funny lady and author of the hilarious Everything I Need to Know About Motherhood I Learned from Animal House. Wright will be signing copies of her book from 11:30AM to 1:30PM, and a short reading will follow, from 2:00PM to 2:30PM. 


Christmas Party and Author Signings at A Book for All Seasons
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
6:00 - 9:00PM
A Book for All Seasons
Leavenworth, Washington




Celebrating the Old — Embracing the New: A Book For All Seasons welcomes you to our nineteenth annual Christmas party.

Curl up in a comfy chair with one of our great books or ebooks this Christmas — but first —
join your friends at A Book For All Seasons to enjoy refreshments, prize drawings and gifts, meet authors, and toast another wonderful year of community spirit!
Meet three fabulous authors at our Christmas Party Book Buzz:
Christina-Marie Wright
In Everything I Need to Know About Motherhood I Learned from Animal House, Christina-Marie Wright delights readers with a collection of hilarious tales about mothering, marriage, society, and being a woman. She writes:
"Raising kids is like living in a frat house. There are too many all-nighters, there is never enough coffee or Top Ramen, the toilets are never clean, it's no surprise if someone is puking, and you never know who is going to be in your bed when you wake up."
Everything I Need to Know About Motherhood I Learned from Animal House
Titles include: "How the Phone Thwarted my Birth Control (or Why Disconnecting the Phone is 95% More Effective than Vasectomy)," "Belts Are the New Lace Panties," "Good Fences Make Good Voyeurs," "People for the Ethical Treatment of Riflemen," and many more. Wright is a modern-day Erma Bombeck with a hip edge and never-fail wit!
About the Author
Christina-Marie Wright is the sanity-challenged mother of seven children, including a bio child, four full-time stepchildren, and two toddlers who joined her family by way of domestic adoption. She's the publisher of "Gonzo Parenting" zine, author of The Gonzo Mama newspaper column, and blogs at TheGonzoMama.com. Her work has appeared in Hip Mama, Mamaphiles, Reality Mom, Askew Reviews, and Edmonton's Child.


Candace Dempsey
Two lovely young women: the first raped, repeatedly stabbed, and left to die — the second accused of the murder. In Murder In Italy, award-winning journalist Candace Dempsey reveals the true story behind this notorious international crime case.
In Perugia, Italy, on November 2, 2007, police discovered the body of a British college student stabbed to death in her bedroom. The prosecutor alleged that the brutal murder had occurred during a drug-fueled sex game gone wrong. American honor student Amanda Knox became a prime suspect and soon found herself caught in of a sensational international story, vilified and eroticized by the tabloids and the Internet. Award-winning journalist Candace Dempsey gives readers a front-row seat at the trial and reveals the real story behind the media frenzy.
Murder in Italy: The Shocking Slaying of a British Student, the Accused American Girl, and an International Scandal
After a trial lasting more than 10 months, University of Washington student Amanda Knox and her boyfriend were convicted on multiple charges. Murder in Italy recounts the internationally publicized case, spotlighting the incongruities that many American legal and forensic experts have noted. Amanda has appealed her conviction, and continues her university studies from behind bars.
"A real-life mystery as compelling and terrifying as fiction", saysFemme NoirMurder in Italy has been called "Eat, Pray, Lovegone horribly wrong," and "Under the Tuscan Sun on the dark side."
About the Author
Candace Dempsey is an award-winning Italian-American journalist. She studied journalism at the University of Oregon and has decades of newspaper, magazine, and zine experience, both journalistic and editorial. She reported on the Kercher/Knox case for CNN Headline News, KOMO TV and Italian television. Murder in Italy: The Shocking Slaying of a British Student, the Accused American Girl, and an International Scandal, which grew out of Candace's true crime blog. Learn more about Candace and the case athttp://www.candacedempsey.com


Looking Back, A Visual History of Early Plain
Looking Back with Byron Newell
The deep local roots of Byron Newell, life-long resident of Plain, Washington, give him a unique perspective on our valley. Historian Newell has spent years collecting a large number of old photographs, along with the stories they tell. Now he shares these with us in his book: Looking Back: A Visual History of Early Plain.
Byron's book unfolds a unique and fascinating time in the history of our valley, presenting source material beginning with Native Americans and early pioneers and progressing up to Plain's pastoral 1950's. In his acknowledgements, Byron reminds us: "The beauty of old photographs is that they don't lie, they don't forget and they have a story to tell... Photographs have the power of igniting forgotten memories and supplementing the ones already known."
"These pictures are a look back to a time that few people remember," Byron writes. "This book was meant to speak for people who are no longer here and to share stories they cannot."
Byron Newell has lived in Plain all his life. He is in the logging business, likes to write, and enjoys history.


Author Signing and Christmas Cheer at Gallery of THUM
Friday, December 17, 2010
6:30 - 8:00PM
Gallery of THUM
2910 North Monroe
Spokane, Washington
509-413-1489


Gallery of THUM is pleased to host Christina-Marie Wright, author of Everything I Need to Know About Motherhood I Learned from Animal Housea collection of hilarious essays on marriage, womanhood, parenting and society, for a reading and book signing. A great stocking stuffer! Stop in for a bit of Christmas cheer! Coffee, tea, hot cider and cookies.

The event is free to the public, and copies of Everything I Need to Know About Motherhood I Learned from Animal House will be signed by Christina-Marie Wright and available for purchase for $10.00.

Learn more about Gallery of THUM at bestspokaneart.com, and learn more about Christina-Marie Wright at Christina-MarieWright.com.





Saturday, November 6, 2010
500 to 600 blocks of Frenchmen
New Orleans, LA


Who dat!


Christina-Marie will join fellow Mamaphiles #4: Raising Hell contributors in a reading at the New Orleans Book Fair at 11:45 am.


The book fair will feature two entire city blocks of indie authors and publishers, so grab a coffee and beignet at Cafe Du Monde and head on over to Frenchmen! The fair runs from 11AM to 6PM, and is free and open to the public.




Pajama Party at Gallery of THUM
Saturday, October 2, 2010
9:30PM-Midnight
Gallery of THUM
2910 N. Monroe 
Spokane, Washington 99205
509-413-1489

21+; Must provide ID



Pajama Party Fundraiser – By invitation only. Attendees must RSVP to galleryofthum@hotmail.com and submit $20.00 per person on the gallery's donation page (bring some cash to the event, because I know you'll fall in love with the awesome gallery items, and want to buy my book, of course!). Space is limited, so RSVP ASAP!

Come enjoy Pixie Dust Chocolates, light BBQ tidbits, fun comedic repartee, and some lovely live music. Tom Quinn will be playing guitar, there will be a surprising singer or two, readings by local authors Christina-Marie Wright - reading from her current book, Everything I Need to Know About Motherhood I Learned from Animal House - and the famous William Maltese, reading from Africa: Spice Island Love (rated sexy so be prepared!).

There will be some other fun surprises including several art demonstrations. Some item of your pajama wardrobe or suitable substitute must be worn during the event - a robe, pajama top, nightgown, etc. Regular clothing underneath is a preference for revealing items. And for you daring darlings who sleep in the buff... yes, wear a robe!

Also? There's a muffin exchange! Bring a muffin to trade, and give it a great name. I'm not clear on whether recipes are requested, so bring yours - just in case.

Spokane is not my stomping ground, so I'm hoping a vast contingent of Gonzo Mama fans will make a strong showing to welcome me to the city. RSVP by email now!


Coffee and Cookies with The Gonzo Mama at Chelan Public Library
Thursday, September 16, 2010
7:00-8:00 PM
417 S. Bradley
Chelan, Washington





Enjoy an evening with Chelan's own "Gonzo Mama!"

Christina-Marie will be reading from her book, "Everything I Need to Know About Motherhood I Learned from Animal House," answering your questions, and signing books (available for purchase, provided by Riverwalk Books).

More definitely equals merrier, so bring your friends for this cozy evening!

For more information, call the library at 509-682-5131.


Bottles, Books and Babes at Edmonds Winery
Saturday, August 14, 2010
2:00-4:00 PM
Woodinville, Washington




Enjoy an afternoon of wine tasting, readings and book signings by three hot new authors!

Corbin Lewars (www.corbinlewars.com), author of Creating a Life: The memoir of a writer and a mom in the making; Monica Murphy Lemoine (www.monicamurphylemoine.com), author of Knocked Up, Knocked Down: Postcards of miscarriage and misadventure from the brink of parenthood; and Christina-Marie Wright (www.thegonzomama.com), author of Everything I Need to Know About Motherhood I Learned from Animal House, will be reading excerpts from their books in the tasting room at Edmonds Winery.

Bring a friend, enjoy some great wine, and find a new favorite book!

For more information, call Edmonds Winery at (425) 774-8959.



Portland Zine Symposium
Saturday and Sunday, August 28 and 29, 2010
Portland State University
Portland, Oregon





Summer Book Fair and Benefit for Page Ahead Literacy Program
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
6:00-7:00 PM 
Little Red Bistro 400 Dexter Avenue North 
Seattle, Washington 

Support a local woman author and contribute to a program that promotes literacy for children at the same time. Join us, raise a little money and purchase a great book to read during your August Beach Trip or Vacation. 

 This event will support the Page Ahead Literacy Program for Children in Washington State and we are hoping you will help us raise money for this worthy charity. Each of our Authors is generously donating one of their books....and we will be selling Raffle tickets to you! 

More info here.


Third Thursday Wine Tasting and "Meet the Author" Event at SweetRiver Bakery
Thursday, July 15, 2010
3:00 PM
Pateros, Washington

Sample some of SweetRiver Bakery's favorite wines while enjoying the hilarious public spectacle that is author Christina-Marie Wright. She'll be reading selections from her new book, Everything I Need to Know About Motherhood I Learned from Animal House, and signing copies.

Make it a "Girls' Afternoon Out" and bring a gaggle of girlfriends... It's as much fun as Sex and the City, but with more sensible shoes. The venue is man- and kid-friendly, too, so bring the whole family!

Check out Christina-Marie's blog at http://TheGonzoMama.com/ to get a sampling of her humor, and direct any questions to SweetRiver at (509) 923-2151 or contact@sweetriverbakery.com. You can check out SweetRiver online at http://www.sweetriverbakery.com/.

Cheers!


Happy 10th Birthday, Odd Hours Books! Celebration and Author Appearance
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Celebration 10:00 AM - 5:00 PM
Author Appearance 3:00 - 5:00 PM
East Wenatchee, Washington


Ten years ago, Cindy Davis took her place as the owner of Odd Hours Books in East Wenatchee, Washington. To celebrate, she's throwing a party all day on Saturday, July 10, complete with cake, coffee and tea. Stop in to share in the celebration, and be sure to stick around to meet author Christina-Marie Wright, who will be reading from her new book, Everything I Need to Know About Motherhood I Learned from Animal House, and signing copies from 3:00 to 5:00 p.m.


Author Reading and Book Signing at Riverwalk Books with Corbin Lewars
Friday, June 18, 2010
7:00 PM
Chelan, Washington

Seattle author Corbin Lewars (www.corbinlewars.com) will join local writer Christina-Marie Wright (www.thegonzomama.com) at Riverwalk Books for readings and book signings on June 18 at 7:00 p.m. The evening marks the latest stop on Lewars’s publicity tour for her book, Creating a Life: The Memoir of a Writer and Mom in the Making, released in February by Catalyst Book Press. The event also serves as the official kick-off for Wright’s self-published book, Everything I Need to Know About Motherhood I Learned from Animal House, released this month.

Creating a Life chronicles Lewars’s journey through wanting a baby more than anything, trouble getting pregnant, problems staying pregnant, quitting her job to become the editor of a women’s magazine only to have that publication become bankrupt, and, finally, her decision to take control of her body by giving birth at home. Marisa Cohen, Senior Editor of Glamour magazine, said, “For anyone who has ever rolled their eyes and asked, ‘Why would anyone give birth at home?’ this memoir will not only give you an answer but have you cheering on the author as she triumphantly brings her baby into the world in a powerful, joyous way.”

Everything I Need to Know About Motherhood I Learned from Animal House is a humorous collection of Wright’s essays, anecdotes and musings on marriage, womanhood, society and parenting. The collection includes many reader favorites from her Lake Chelan Mirror newspaper column as well as newer pieces. Dave T. Peckham, author of Shepherd Warrior, said, “… a perfect blend of humor and real life happenings… a joy to read. No subject is taboo… a talented writer with the rare ability of stating the obvious while creating an environment of surprise and laughter for her readers which, I predict, will be many.”

Both authors will read selections from their books and be on hand to sign copies, available for sale by Riverwalk Books.

Riverwalk Books is located at 116 E. Woodin Avenue in Chelan. For more information, call (509) 682-8901.




Reprint Permissions

Reprint permissions are available for The Gonzo Mama's newspaper columns. Contact me by email for pricing and reprint options.

Other Places to Find the Mama

It's okay to admit it. After all, denial is a sign of addiction. You want more of me, and that's okay.

Savoring the Thyme
The amazing foodie at Savoring the Thyme linked to my Vegan Double Chocolate Chai Cake recipe in her International Chocolate Day post.

Pittsburgh Parent
August 2010 print issue.

Kids VT
Kids VT published my humor piece, "Someday, I Won't Be Here To..." in their July 2010 print issue.

Edmonton's Child
Edmonton's Child published one of my humor pieces, "Wife, Mother... Exhibitionist," and I rather enjoyed emailing with Kerri, the friendly editor. You can find my piece in their humor (they're Canadian, so it's "humour") section, here.

Hip Mama magazine (print)
My essay, "Everything I Need to Know About Motherhood I Learned from Animal House," was published in Issue 45. You can order it here.

Askew Reviews
Denis Sheehan printed my "Letter to..." in Issue 14. (Rated R for language and adult content!) You can order it here.

Reality Mom
"Parenting + Politics (results may vary)," published in Volume 6, Issue 1. Info and ordering here.

The Wittery
The Wittery commissioned me to do a humorous piece on real estate. Find my piece, "The Dodgy Real Estate Agent," in their sample works section, here.

Jaren's Blog
Sometimes, I guest blog over at my friend Jaren's place. Find my stuff here.

GonzoParentingZine.com
I'm the publisher/editor of Gonzo Parenting Zine. It's a funky little self-published magazine featuring stories by and for real parents who are raising real kids. Gonzo Parenting Zine is not going to give you advice on how to potty train your toddler in three days. Instead, it's more likely to share stories about parents who have survived three years of potty training. Each issue is laugh-out-loud funny and lives up to Gonzo Parenting Zine's motto: "Sometimes, parenthood is all about surviving it."

Motherhood: From Egg to Zine (and everything in between)
I am proud to be a columnist for Motherhood: From Egg to Zine (and everything in between). It's a veritable Mamapalooza of mamas, grandmamas, soon-to-be mamas, and would-be mamas! We are a literary performance tour. We are an online zine. We are a voice for all mamas, and we're taking over the world. Read my contributions:

LipstickDaily.com
I adore Kate and Elaine, the funny women behind LipstickDaily.com! Sadly, the site is now defunct, but they published two of my pieces over there:
  • Stubble Trouble
  • Makeup Sex
Mommy-Muse.com
I was completely honored when Christy, the Mommy-Muse herself, asked me to guest blog for her. Read my "wisdom" here:


The Gonzo Mama Newspaper Column

The Gonzo Mama column takes on marriage, womanhood, parenting and society. With seven children underfoot, a political geek for a husband, and a writing career to manage, there's never a dull moment. The Gonzo Mama is quasi-hip, ultra-neurotic, chaos-juggling fun, delivered in a tasty little 300- to 700-word package.

The Gonzo Mama currently runs bi-weekly. Please contact me at mama@thegonzomama.com if you'd like to see The Gonzo Mama running in your local paper. I'll harass the editor.

Reprint permissions are available for the columns listed below. Go here for more info.


Below are links to past episodes of The Gonzo Mama column: